I think I need a profile pic. But I don't want to put up an actual picture of me, because I think that's tacky. I have facebook to post random pictures of myself. I'd rather have something "artsy" but that's probably just as tacky. Or just cliche. Hopefully I'll find a suitable picture eventually.
So, since I'm going to be a senior in college this September, I have some decisions to make. This summer was supposed to help me with that, but I think I'm going to end up more confused than when I began. I'm doing an astrophysics internship to see what it's actually like living a life of research. I go to a private, liberal-arts college that doesn't provide many research opportunities. They don't even offer a B.S. in physics, only a B.A. (Don't get me wrong though, it is a fantastic school. I wouldn't go anywhere else. Check it out here.) This internship is an incredible gift to see where I could be headed if I decide to go to grad school for astronomy. But now that I'm here I've realized that I'm somewhat behind the game when it comes to researching grad schools and studying for the Physics GRE. Or maybe that's just compared to the other people in my program, I'm not really sure.
Honestly, I'm not overwhelmed by the possibility of going to grad school and having to pick up the pace regarding the application process. I know I can handle that, no problem. The issue is that I don't feel necessarily compelled to go in any direction whatsoever. Yeah, grad school could be cool, I think I could do it, but am I supposed to? Or am I supposed to teach? Or am I supposed to scrap this physics stuff altogether? I really don't know, and I'm not feeling pulled one way or another. I have been told by many people that I am so blessed to have as many gifts and talents as I do, but it is making this stage of my life fairly difficult.
Another problem - I feel like I have an understanding of my talents, abilities, and gifts, but I have no clue how they are supposed to play together to help me live out my calling. And I don't mean a super-specific calling, like I am supposed to teach here, go travel to this country, or volunteer with this organization. I believe that we are redeemed so that we can then help redeem the world, and how we play into that plan is our calling. The world of my scientific interests, spiritual beliefs, and random talents puts me in quite the confusing situation. What am I supposed to do with what I have been given?
I have a problem with being patient, if you couldn't tell already. I need to work on that. However, I do trust that things will be revealed to me when they are meant to be. This intermediary phase is still really tough though.
In the Prince of Egypt (awesome movie!), one of the songs has a line "A single thread in a tapestry, though its color brightly shines, can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design". That line is heavy with truth. But where am I meant to shine? I can't see forward, am I supposed to look back? Couldn't I just peek through the window and shed some light on these decisions I have before me?
Or, could I be blocking my own view?
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3 comments:
Have you ever considered using your writing skills with your science? You have a good way with words.
No one has ever told me that I have writing abilities, so I haven't really considered it. I will keep that in mind though. Thank you for the compliment!
Pray, then be patient while you watch and listen...your path will be made apparent when He is ready for you to proceed.
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